March 30, 2025
Hello Readers,
Vanessa here. Today we are going to talk about the big decision of having anal sex for the first time. It's an advice and guidance piece mixed with my sarcastic humor, as I don't want to possibly scare and/or worry you. I really hope that this article helps you in any way, and if you have any questions or concerns, always consult your doctor and you can also always contact us here at SEX+, as I can always get additional information if needed by friends and family who are health care professionals. We are here to help you.
Let's begin!!
If you are thinking about having anal sex for the first time, then there is some pretty damn important shit (no pun intended) you really need to learn AND think more about first.
NUMBER ONE: THE MOST IMPORTANT GOLDEN RULE OF ALL, and it doesn’t matter what gender, sexual orientation, or identity you are, because this applies to everyone - especially if the dick is going into you - is that it HAS TO BE YOUR DECISION. That’s crucial. Don’t let your partner or someone you occasionally fuck, make that decision for you and you sure as fucking shit should not allow anyone to guilt trip/peer pressure you into it. Especially if you are not ready or don’t want to do it at all, for whatever personal reason(s).
Anal sex can honestly be a beautiful and amazing intimate moment with the person you love. And you need to have that trust with that person, as well, because, well…it’s the fucking ass hole! If you’re not ready for it, don’t want to do it at all but was pressured into it, and/or don’t have that trust & connection…it can quite frankly be a fucking nightmare. You shouldn’t just let anyone in your backyard. The milkshake doesn’t need to bring all the boys to your yard if you are not the one wanting it.
You’re not a professional porn star. Amateur, “actors,” that have never been a contract actor and/or performed on a professional level who have an OnlyFans don’t actually count as professional performers because anyone can have an OnlyFans account (it’s not just for porn, folks), unless they may be escorts on the side, and they offer that as one of their services. So, when you are watching porn and see 99% of the videos containing anal sex, that doesn’t mean you have to do it because, “everyone,” is doing it.
Porn isn’t reality. Porn is entertainment and those actors are doing their jobs (given they are okay with performing anal sex scenes).
So if some schmuck is being an asshole and pressuring you about it, you need to stand your ground on what you want and/or comfortable/not comfortable with. It’s your ass hole.
NUMBER TWO: If you are making this decision for yourself and want to do this, then you need to understand that you can’t just get right into it.
Reality is, you’re not supposed to put anything up there, that’s not what the rectum is for, but I get the appeal, but you still can't just put a dick or a toy up there without preparation. Sex workers still have to prepare for a scene and/or date.
Your ass hole is tight. TIGHT. You need to prepare yourself…not just because of how tight your ass hole is but because of actual legit health reasons that even your doctor will tell you are legit precautions you need to be ready for.
First, you and your partner need to understand that there are different types of anal sex. Yup. There are other ways besides the well known penis-in-anus anal sex. And knowing the different types of anal sex there are will help you decide what you want to try first.
Penis in the anus anal sex: the old tried & true and the bees knees to some peeps.
Toy in the anus anal sex: should be self-explanatory but there are soooooooooooo many different types of sex toys out there that literally everyone has options from the cute shy types of toys to the what in the actual fuck is that and that goes where…and why?! (like…hook butt plugs. Yeah. No thanks, I don’t want to feel like I’m about to get sodomized by Leatherface with a meat hook).
Anyhow, there are a lot of different types of sex toys for all kinds of kinks, including anal sex toys. There are anal dildos, butt plugs (I highly recommend using butt plugs, they help me to be able to handle my husband - which I still need even after 17 years of intimacy. I’ll list my likes at the end of this article). There are anal beads, prostate toys, anal vibrators, training kits, thrusters, and even a cock-ring-vibrator dildo combo toy (which is great because your partner wears a cock ring that doubles as a dildo. He can be in you vaginally and the vibrator dildo will be in your butt - this is one of the toys that we have and use on me, especially when it has been a little while).
Digital Anal Penetration (AKA, “Fingering”): I personally recommend fingering of the anus, either you or your partner, even both of you, to sort of…work your way up to anal sex with the penis and/or toy(s). It’s likely going to happen anyhow, a finger going in the ass. I also call it, “bowling,” because sometimes the person, typically the guy, loves putting the thumb in the ass hole and at certain camera angles, making it look like he’s about to bowl a strike with the person’s ass. 👍🏼🎳
Again, this will likely be the first thing to happen, so the next major thing you will have to do is hygienic maintenance…you don’t want anything…icky to happen. Which will inevitably happen because…well…anal sex. That should never come as a surprise if a little feces is to come out, especially if you’re getting bucked like a bull at a rodeo. So. Yeah…will get into that later on. Don’t worry.
Oral Anal Sex (AKA, “anilingus,” “rimming,” “tossing salad,” “oral-anal euphemism,” & “eating ass,”): If you’re already on the fence about anal sex, then tongue-fucking someone’s fart box where fecal matter comes from, will likely make one squeamish, gag, and maybe yack, but it’s not something you should, in theory, really be too-too worried about. If the receiver has a normal and regular bm and cleans themselves properly (I recommend wet wipes), rimming is generally okay and on a hygienic level.
Having anal sex for the first is different for everyone and choosing the right partner who you love, trust, and who will listen to you not only verbally, but will listen & be in tune with your body language, and facial expressions. You’re not going to know what your body is going to be able to handle before even getting into it, you have to learn your own body. Once you learn your own body, your partner will also be able to learn more about you, your body, your needs, and what is right for you. You are the boss. You are the boss of your own body. You are the boss of what you will allow and what you will not allow. There are some things to consider for your partner as well, and we will get into that, but ultimately, you have to run the show. Do not let anyone try to control what you are not okay with.
CONSENT IS MANDATORY. There’s no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Period.
If you are still unsure on where to start but are 100% wanting to do this for you, then you can start with the basics that just about everyone has done for the first time and throughout the early stages of anal sex. These are safe. You will be okay with what you decide to try out.
Foreplay is always a good place to start, to warm yourself up to it, because you are likely going to be nervous. Oral and vaginal sex is a great way to get that rhythm going. I suggest wearing condoms, STDs and STIs can still happen even if it is your first time etc., but you have to change condoms from vaginal to a new condom for anal sex.
Light touching, caressing, kissing all over, is a great way to get your juices flowing. Playing around the anal area…caressing and lightly touching the area without penetration helps. Anal foreplay like that will help warm you up and get you more comfortable, more in the mood, and more turned on.
RECEIVER: Pay attention here to how it feels. If you start noticing possible great sensations that may occur, this is an important signal from your body telling you this is it, this feels great…I love this (to whatever got that reaction. i.e.: licking, kissing, tickling, caressing etc.).
GIVER: Please remember that this is your partner’s first time. They’re putting their trust in you into taking care of them and to protect them. This isn’t something that should be taken with a grain of salt. Remember that you were given this honor, not you giving them the honor. Go gentle. Constantly make sure that your partner is comfortable and okay. Because if they’re not, they can get hurt, which could potentially lead to a medical issue.
You NEED to use lube. NEED. TO. I cannot stress that enough. Sometimes spit is okay, but that’s for when you’re well into anal sex in your sex life. But lube is your best friend. You do not need a lot. You don’t need to get all Mike Adriano about it, for fucks sake, you’re not shooting a gonzo scene. But a generous amount is required.
There are many types of lubes out there for specific things, and there are lubes for anal sex. I recommend using anal lube as opposed to lubes used for vaginal and oral, as most anal lubes contain a numbing agent. However, you will not be completely numb, it’s numbing enough for entering with ease. Try not getting it on your vulva and clit, because it will numb that area too and cumming from sex or masturbation with a toy or fingers, could be challenging. I’ve learned that the hard way. I was annoyed, to say the least, haha.
Adam & Eve have a great selection of anal lubes. This is my number 1 go-to and this is my second.
But seriously though, you need anal lube. Not only because anal sex WILL be painful your first time, but because there are more risks involved with having anal sex…you are much more susceptible STIs (gonorrhea and HIV), because these tears form openings in the skin leaving the potential of infection-causing pathogens to enter the rectum.
There are three different types of lubes:
Oil based
Silicone based
Water based
Oil and silicone is best for anal sex as they are thicker and last longer and you will need the lube to last long. However, oil will break down the condoms rendering them useless.
If you’re using sex toys, avoid silicone, because silicone lubes erode the silicone toys. But you can use silicone lube on other sex toys made from other materials like plastic, glass, steel, etc.
Water based lubes are fine even with sex toys, but you’ll be reapplying very often.
Go at a comfortable pace and rhythm…experiment from there. The first several times will be experimentation. And if you need to, you can stop at any time if it’s too painful, uncomfortable, or you’re not ready at that moment. You don’t need to be convinced that you have to stop when your partner cums. You can also switch from anal to vaginal as well, go back and forth, but not too fast. Don’t forget to change the condoms.
Keep in mind that not all sex toys are for anal use and this is why you hear stories of people going to the ER. And I have a lot of friends that are doctors and nurses and let me tell you…the things I heard actually surprised me and I don’t surprise easily, if at all. If you’re using a butt plug, please for the love of god, make sure it has a circle, winged-tip, or circular handle because if you do not have the right butt plug for your anus, a butt plug can get stuck up there…I saw it happen to a chick in an amateur video and I just about lost my shit from the horror and from laughing because she should have known better, given that the words, “butt plug,” was part of her professional name, that she should have known the proper butt plugs to use for her.
Hygiene. Oh my god. The hygiene. I’m fairly certain that I do not need to explain to you all of what actually happens inside your body when you make a number two. Or at least I’m hoping I don’t need to…they teach you this in grade school.
When you have waste in your colon that needs to come out like a bat out of hell, the colon contracts, pushes the stool into the rectum, and your brain receives a fun signal that says, “things are now in motion that cannot be undone,” and your rectum stores the stool until you are able to evacuate said ickies.
So…with anal sex, once you get past the anus itself, which is about 8” in length, the anal sex takes place in the rectum, where the poop is stored.
The signal to your brain tells you when you need to go, and you’re an adult, and should be able to know when to go to the bathroom by now, so pooping on your partner’s sausage is very, very low. However, it does happen from time to time. 9 out of 10, all of the fecal matter should have left your body but there are times where it may not have completely cleaned out your pipes. If there are underlying health issues, like with certain conditions such as ulcerative colitis, it could leave circumstances a bit less predictable.
Of course, take a shower before and after. Maybe shave your ass crack. Some people take extra precautions, such as sex workers, by taking an enema a night or two before. Which is great! It honestly doesn’t hurt to take that extra step. I also watch what I eat the night before and day off.
Mexican food probably wouldn’t be a smart idea...so if you hear The Bell ringing, just ignore it and go for something lightweight on your stomach.
The Fleet enemas are better on your body, and you can get them here!
For after the act, have wet wipes/baby wipes. You can get them at just about any grocery store, drug store, Target, Walmart. But if you want to keep that private for whatever reason, you can always get them on Amazon. I buy my local grocery store’s brand because my skin reacts better to them. These guys. But like I said, Amazon has a bunch!!! These are great and are flushable!
Keep a towel nearby too!!!!
And last but not least…
Practice after care. Anal sex is an incredibly intense sexual act. It could leave your partner who just had lost their anal virginity a little vulnerable. A lot of emotions. A lot of feelings. A lot of thoughts were likely going through their mind. Just…a lot of things going on. You need to make sure that they are okay. Not just during the whole anal sex act, but after is also incredibly crucial.
When people try new things, especially in the bedroom because of the immense intimacy, it leaves people vulnerable and sensitive. Whether those feelings or emotions are good or bad, you still need to make sure they’re okay. They put so much trust into you, that they need to know that you aren’t going to just stop caring because you had anal sex with them. They need to know that their trust wasn’t betrayed.
I only had anal sex with two men. My husband and my ex-boyfriend before my husband, who I lost it to. I was scared. Really scared. I wanted to lose it to him because we were in love and I knew that he would take care of me the whole time. I did cry a little because it hurt, he’s not small, and because there were just so many emotions going on that I couldn’t control it. He stopped because he heard me cry. He got scared that he hurt me and that I may be in extreme pain. He was so sweet and so gentle. And even afterwards, he cuddled me, gave me words of affirmation, and I felt good. I felt loved. I felt cared for.
I hadn’t had anal sex in years before being with my husband, so it was almost like it was my first time again. And again. He’s also not small. And it was the same thing; the care, the love, the trust and the after care. Even after 17 years of being together, it still kind of hurts a little bit but then we get a groove and I’m good. We don’t have anal sex all the time. I know too many of the complications being in medical science and research. Also…well…I don’t want a blown out ass hole. I also have health issues, so it’s not always doable for me. He never pressures me. And I have never been so in love with someone the way that I am with my husband. So trust is incredibly important to me.
BEFORE I GO…
Here are some of my favorite anal sex toys that help me a lot! They may not be best for you, but just to give you an idea of the options that are available.
